Inside the Mind

Thursday 23 April 2015

This time I'll do it. This time I'll go to every lecture and make notes, and when I get home I'll do the recommended reading — no, wait, I'll do even more. I'll be the most well-rounded student nurse anyone has ever seen, because it can't be that hard to learn about everything, can it? There's only three modules, and half of one of those is just clinical skills. There's so many ways of learning, it'll be easy to get into all of them. But, oh, we're never really going to have to do all these things as mental health nurses, are we? It doesn't matter if I can't do it perfectly. Why are we learning about catheterising patients? They'd never let a mental health nurse down there, good lord. And all of this physical stuff — it's handy to know, but how often are we actually going to use it? I just won't bother doing extra reading on the renal system, or the others, there's loads more important stuff to focus on. I'll start learning my drugs early, that's what I'll do. First I'll learn how to pronounce them, that won't take too long, surely? Wait, everyone pronounces everything differently, and it confuses me on the ward. The average doses are different for different disorders too, how am I ever going to remember them all? And don't even get me started on titration. Side effects! Side effects! I'll learn the side effects, they'll be practically the same for everything and they're important to know. Why are there such complicated words for such simple things? Do I need to know them? Surely only pharmacists need to know these. And I could look them up in practice, right? That's what the BNF is for. Nobody knows everything all the time… Or do they? Maybe nursing is like driving, you don't really do it properly til you're qualified and out on your own for a bit. But that's not good enough, is it? You can't muddle your way through things that affect patients' lives. Lives. Lives. What has my life become? I get up early, leave the house, run around all day, come home, go to bed, and do the same thing over and over again. My bursary's been reduced again this year? But the cost of everything is going up. I need to do assignments and manage placement and work for money and see friends and see my family and take time for myself and there'll never be enough hours in the day/week/year. Everything I read is related to nursing or mental health, I should maybe read for pleasure sometimes, too. Or sleep more. Or get some sunlight. And, god, exercise. So many physical health lectures about how we're going to die slow, painful deaths if we don't get regular exercise. But how? HOW?


These are a collection of recurring, stressful thoughts I've had over the past three years. I'm actually at a point where I can see a light at the end of the tunnel; I've completed almost all the academic work (bar for a report and a reflection) required of me and my last placement begins in June. It'll soon be time to start looking for jobs and the reality of how different my life is going to look this time next year is starting to hit home. Cue panic, ahhhh.

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