So, I have officially survived (and passed!) my first placement.
It was an experience, of sorts. I'm not sure what I can say about it without sounding too critical, but to be blunt: I don't think acute is where I want to end up working when I qualify. I think I could do it, but I'd never be passionate about it. I'm looking forward to getting a rehab placement in the future -- all my friends who have been on them this time have loved them, and I think it would fit in with my background in social care a lot more. With that said, I loved working with the patients, just getting to know them and spend time with them, so at the very least the past eight weeks have reaffirmed my desire to work in mental health. Several of my patients made me good luck/thank you cards yesterday which was lovely, and we threw a little pizza party for them (rather than the nurses) to thank them for really making the experience great for us. I'm going to miss them, but if I never have another acute placement it won't be too soon.
I've already discussed my ethical dilemmas on Twitter, but I wanted to go over them properly. Perhaps the biggest dilemma I faced during this placement surrounds my sexuality -- one or two of the patients worked out that I'm gay (nobody's winning any prizes for that guessing game) and one actually brought it up in a hilarious way in front of my mentor and some other staff. Discussing her forthcoming depot, she asked if I'd be administering it (I wasn't), which prompted her, embarrassingly, to ask how I'd feel about having to see her bum to do it. This patient is the most innocent, sweet girl I've ever met, she meant nothing by it -- just to be clear! She barely waited for an answer before jumping to ask me if I preferred girls with bigger bums or smaller bums (seriously!) and if I thought she needed a rounder bottom! At this point I was as red as a tomato and trying to redirect her to talking about something else, but she noticed my embarrassment and started talking loudly about how I should be proud of who I am and it was okay that I was gay because she "likes everyone"! My mentor was in the office next to us, crying laughing at us, or rather just me, and I really wasn't sure what to say at all.
Once the embarrassment had worn off, I realised that it was actually a strong ethical point. I hadn't announced my sexuality to the patients, but I've always been under the impression that divulging such private information would be frowned upon. I understand the need to keep private information private, but should this apply to general information about oneself too? Arguably, my private life is separate to my professional one, but there's an inherent assumption that everyone is straight that needs to be challenged. Should I be challenging this as a student nurse? If I do, am I sharing too much, leaving myself open to personal attacks? Poorly people can be incredibly racist and homophobic without a reason to target certain people, never mind with! And yet, if I go along with the usual assumption that everyone is straight, am I setting a negative example for patients who may be part of the LGBT community? Am I, by not speaking up when asked, implying that being gay is something to be ashamed of? I see staff discussing boyfriends and weddings and children with patients all the time, why should it be any different for me?
This is painting my love life as a lot more active than it actually is, I know, but it's something I've really been thinking about this week.
A second incident occurred around a patient being sad that another student and I were leaving -- she said that she regretted letting herself get so close to us even though she knew we'd have to go back to uni after a few weeks. I became concerned that we'd been unprofessional, not maintained a barrier that resulted in us mutually getting too close to one another. My mentor wrote it off as the patient "playing the victim" (the attitude towards patients on my ward was lovely, as you can see) but after discussing it with fellow students today, I don't think any of us -- myself, the other student, or the patient -- have done anything wrong. We simply developed a decent therapeutic relationship, worked well together to support the patient, and her sadness can simply be put down to the fact that endings are emotional and sad. This patient was one who made us cards thanking us for our help, and it's really nice to know that we were able to make a positive impact on her stay in hospital.
So! There it is, it's all over. Back to uni on Monday for a thrilling module on evidence-based practice, and more intensive A&P and MH nursing theory. We're only in two days a week, so I have two job interviews lined up for bank posts -- one is local, which is convenient, and the other is much less so, but a company I really want to work for who are big on therapeutic interventions and have won awards for how they treat their staff. I'm hoping to take on both and mix and match my shifts to suit me. It's strange not having my old job, the comfort of all my old work friends around me, not to mention the promise of money at the end of the month, but new experiences will be… new. To say the least!
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