Placement 2, already!

I've been awful at keeping up with blogging. I've been awful at everything in the past few months, really. I became quite depressed earlier this year - the result of the combined impact of losing A and my old job, my awful placement, not working for several weeks and then starting a job I ultimately didn't enjoy - but I'm now back on Citalopram and feeling much better, though I'd venture I feel better because my life is better, not because of the SSRI. But that's something I don't have the energy to go into today.

I can't believe how quickly it's come around, but tomorrow I start placement 2! It's really more two placements, as four weeks are spent in the community then eight in an in-patient setting, but there you go. I was excited to see I'd been allocated a rehabilitation placement this time - the exact placement I wanted - so apparently accidentally showing off Daisy Lowe's boobs to your placement allocator really works in your favour (a tip for anyone getting into nursing there). In all seriousness, I had little idea of what MH rehab involved - or even that it existed - until some friends had units as their first placement, and it sounded like a dream. My main care experience comes from LD and MH supported living, and rehab seems to fit in well with the skills utilised in those sorts of settings. Not that I want an easy placement per se, but I definitely feel in need of something to restore my self-confidence after the horrors of the last one. Honestly, the more I think about it, the worse it feels. I was left with no idea whether I showed any promise as a nurse, no idea of my development, no idea of whether I was getting into the right career at all. And yet I'm feeling surprisingly positive about starting tomorrow - rather than being nervous, I'm excited to go in and prove to my new team that I'm good at things, that I want to learn, and get on with everything.

And naturally, the nerd in me is excited for the academic side of this placement. We're required to give a presentation, potentially to an MDT (or at the very least our mentors), which is something I've always enjoyed doing. We also have a reflective essay to write and our portfolios to sort out... I feel incredibly motivated right now, and I hope it lasts.

The past few months, though rough emotionally, have been excellent academically. I got firsts for both my exam paper and my research essay, which I'm over the moon with. I got a first for one essay in the first term and a 2:1 for the second, and because I'm far too demanding of myself (I admit it), the latter grade really knocked me. Apparently there's less academic work in second year (how? HOW?) so fingers crossed I'll be keeping up with these marks!

So many things I want to blog about, so many things to prepare for tomorrow... Suffice to say, I'm very into critical psychiatry again, and as excited as I am about nursing, I'm equally as sceptical about the negative impact some interventions have on people's lives, to the point that I wonder if my conscience can handle being a part of the machine. More, one day, maybe...